Alternative Gods
by Regency
Summary: On my worst day, she is all that I believe in. Jed & Abbey.


Author: Regency

Title: Alternative Gods

Category: Blasphemy/Romance

Pairing: Abbey/Jed

Rating: R just because that's what I think.

Summary: On my worst day, she is all that I believe in.

Disclaimer: I own no one.

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Author's Notes: Before you go any farther, know that this contains blasphemy in the form of Jed and Abbey. Please be warned. I won't be responsible for what you read.

I am on my worst day an atheist, a sinner. Hell, on my best day I sin only a hand full of times without trying. On my worst day, the thought of getting out of bed to face a world that doesn't want to change is daunting. On those days, I want to hide behind my wife and peek over her shoulder at the monsters outside the door. She faces them with a smirk and a raised eyebrow before proceeding to kick their asses. She's my knight in a white lab coat. With a nifty little name plate too.

On my worst day, she is all that I believe in. On days like that, God has no place in my mind as we have, at intervals, let each other down. She is all that believe in. I believe in the scent of her hair, the taste of her skin, the twinkle in her eye. She is all that grounds me. She will lie beside me, her fingers laced with mine and she won't even ask. She doesn't want or need to know. On those days, I worship her. On those days, I am sinner. Just like always.

"I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me." I remember saying this before. I'm believed it so strongly. Inside I know that no one has His power, no one being could ever hope to possess it. He knew what he was saying when he said that, but I see Abigail lying there, the picture of calm and glory and I, in my mind, picture Him. I am unworthy of him as her and I know this. On these days, I love her more than He and myself. I am unashamed.

On my best day, she lightens my burden with a smile and an embrace. And as always, I worship her in secret, never voicing the wonder-lust I feel. Is it wrong to love/worship the same person that you lust for? I think it is, but she wanders out of the bathroom after her bath, clad in only a fluffy towel that reaches just to her knees. I am in lust. Her face is flushed from the heat and her hair sticks to the back of her neck. I love her with her hair wet. She sees me watching and does a little dance for me, ending with her blowing a kiss at me before disappearing into the walk-in closet. I am in love with her. I would bow down to her. I have.

We lie in bed in silence, nothing else need be said. My hands are flat on her back; she's still damp from her bath. Her hair tickles my nose, my breath on her neck. She sighs a little.

"What wrong?" She is still. She thought I was asleep. She turns to me slowly. Her eyes are alight.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I nod to her, she can tell my anything. She seems nervous. "This goes against everything I've been taught and you've been taught, but...Jed, on my worst day, I worship you. I watch you and lust for you and defer to you as I know I shouldn't. I know it's wrong, but...I can't stop and I don't want to." She doesn't meet my eyes and turns away. She sits up and wraps her arms around her legs. I don't know what to feel. She is afraid.

I sit up and press a hand to her back. I move closer to her. Her breathing is shallow. I run my fingers through her hair. Her eyes close and she leans into my touch. I press a kiss behind her ear and another just below it. My teeth gently scrape her earlobe. I hear her hiss. There is an expectant silence. I know what she wants to hear.

"On my worst day, I worship you. On days like that, God has no place in me. Only you." I drop butterfly kisses along her jaw and feel the relief that overcomes her. She thought she was alone. She is never alone. Thirty-five years should have made her used to that by now. Sometimes, I know I let her down as I let Him down. I won't let her down tonight. My Goddess.

I turn her around and see her eyes are wet with tears. I don't want her to cry. I hold her face and kiss them away. She looks at me, her eyes filled with a lust/love I can see reflected in my own. I kiss her; she kisses me. Our clothes fall away and I hold her close, as possessed by her as she by me. We bask in the light between us, the sheets discarded on the floor. Her head rests against my chest, her fingers playing across my stomach. She is the picture of calm and glory. I am so in love with her. Her eyes reflect it back. She is in love with me.

"I'm going to hell." I don't know what makes me say that or why I thought now would be the best time to say it. Her fingers stop for a moment before resuming their play. She is with me.

"So am I." There is not hesitation, no doubt. She is certain. "I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me." She pauses, pressing kisses across my chest. "I'm going to hell." She doesn't care. I care. I don't want want this for her. She deserves Heaven.

"I want you to go to Heaven." She smiles. I can feel her lips move.

"Okay." She's toying with me.

"I'm serious."

"Okay." She confuses me; I worship her.

"Okay. What's okay?"

"Jed, I'm going wherever you're going. Get used to it. We are eternity, in whichever way we go. I'm with you. Love me...or don't." She rises and walks from my sight. I have disappointed her. I have failed her. As He.

I rise to follow her, watching her stand in front of the mirror, nude, washing her face. She looks back at me. She knew I would follow. She knows me well.

She turns to face me with that smirk and quirked eyebrow. I think she's going to kick my ass. She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck. We kiss gently. Our bodies pressed to the counter, we mold, join, and tangle until we are as one gestalt entity. I have not failed her this time. I will not fail her again. If only that were true.

On my worst days, I love her and only her. And on my best, she comes a close second. There is, but one God, says He. But I look to my Goddess, lounging in her glory and I am tainted. There is but one God. Her name be Abigail; my Goddess.


End file.
